Sunday, December 12, 2004
Sometimes I wonder where the emotions go...
Last week everything was over-whelming and I was crying a lot and hiding as often as possible. Then I went to the mandatory second opinion appointment - which was horrible but the Dr. was very open and understanding and listened to my opinions and offered lots of Kleenex as tears flowed continuously the entire time I was in there. But over all it was nothing I haven't been through before.
The work thing I have accepted. My days off are still Friday and Saturday and I have a plan for later Sunday starts - when I go back to work.
Not really a big deal.
As for my friend - E has accepted the fact that she may not see her kids for a long time - and proobably not until after Christmas. She is going to do what needs to be done, and pray that her ex doesn't seriously harm the kids. I will talk to her, but we have agreed that this situation will not be all consuming or all we will do is cry. So life goes on.
My friend D - well she is determined to get a third opinion and that it is not mental. I don't know what to do and know that nothing I say or do will change her thinking - especially when she has a psychiatrist saying that the other doctor is wrong and that it is not mental... how can I compete with that (I know not my job but really!)
I just pray she gets better, and gets the help she needs.
So this weekend.
I found myself relaxing for the first time in a while. And for some reason the stupidest things would amuse me. And I would laugh, almost uncontrollably for a long time. J thought I was wacky. Today he actually said "Oh - here she goes again!" And I know that it isn't funny - but I can't help it. It's like the opposite of crying.
The release of stress leads to uncontrollable laughing... at least in me.
Like I say - bi-polar and good at it!
The work thing I have accepted. My days off are still Friday and Saturday and I have a plan for later Sunday starts - when I go back to work.
Not really a big deal.
As for my friend - E has accepted the fact that she may not see her kids for a long time - and proobably not until after Christmas. She is going to do what needs to be done, and pray that her ex doesn't seriously harm the kids. I will talk to her, but we have agreed that this situation will not be all consuming or all we will do is cry. So life goes on.
My friend D - well she is determined to get a third opinion and that it is not mental. I don't know what to do and know that nothing I say or do will change her thinking - especially when she has a psychiatrist saying that the other doctor is wrong and that it is not mental... how can I compete with that (I know not my job but really!)
I just pray she gets better, and gets the help she needs.
So this weekend.
I found myself relaxing for the first time in a while. And for some reason the stupidest things would amuse me. And I would laugh, almost uncontrollably for a long time. J thought I was wacky. Today he actually said "Oh - here she goes again!" And I know that it isn't funny - but I can't help it. It's like the opposite of crying.
The release of stress leads to uncontrollable laughing... at least in me.
Like I say - bi-polar and good at it!
Dragonfly 12/12/2004 11:14:00 PM
3 Comments:
Wow. I really don't know what to say. I will keep you and all your friends in my prayers. I know how you feel with the bipolar, it is a horrific ride. I hope you find peace. Keep laughing...they say it is the best medicine.
Laughing is okay - it's trying to figure out why I 'm laughing that's so amusing - like tonight, I let my roommate's inside and, as it is a black lab, he looked silly walking in with a white back from the snow. Under normal circumstances a giggle would be sufficient but it has been 2 hours now and i am still laughing and that imagine is going to be forever "frozen" in my head HAHAHA!!
Oh man - I kill me! *LOL*
Mania is the high side of bi-polar, and it is also the scariest part of it. At least for me. Right now I am in control and just giggly - which is fine, I'd like to stay in this mind frame for a while. I'm more fun...
On a scary note - only 11 more days until Christmas... Are you done shopping?
Oh man - I kill me! *LOL*
Mania is the high side of bi-polar, and it is also the scariest part of it. At least for me. Right now I am in control and just giggly - which is fine, I'd like to stay in this mind frame for a while. I'm more fun...
On a scary note - only 11 more days until Christmas... Are you done shopping?
Nope, I still have to buy something for my wife and father. I really don't know what to get either of them. My wife said no more jewlery, so I guess I should be amazed. LOL However, now I am not sure. As far as bipolar goes, I was once diagnosed with it. It was the strangest thing. First, they said I had it and then they said that no one who can maintain the same job for five years could have it. Of course this is after they gave me depakote and xyprexa. I am not sure if those are spelled right. I went through alot, but now I am in control almost entirely. My Mania stages would be driving to the middle of nowhere just to go and then not knowing how I would get back. I would miss a day or so of work here and there and I have destroyed my credit, but I am pretty much fine. No meds and no real episodes. I think having people to help me is what keeps me from slipping too far. I was so depressed at one point though that I attempted suicide. I would have died too if my brother had not found me. They even had to get my heart going again. I think I will post about this soon, it helps to get it out. If you ever want to, you can email me. The address is under my profile. Take care and I'll pray for you.