... and into the Light

There's no Place like Home... There's no place like home...
Damn it...
I need to be wearing ruby slippers for that chant to work.
Any one have any ruby slippers?
Anyone?
Bastards! All of you!

Ok...
I'm sorry!
Come back...
Really.

It's just...
well...
OK...
Let me explain...

no that will take to long.
let me sum up.

After weeks of exhaustive searching and unreturned phone calls I walked into a 2 bedroom at the absolute max of what I can afford to pay and I was HOME!!!
I didn't want to leave.
I wanted to move in right away.
It's clean.
It's big
and it's bright and airy
and the owners are amazing.
It is the lower floor of a split level house... but only 4 feet are below ground and you don't feel like you are below ground at all.
The soundproofing is great...
He even does all snow removal.

And I can start taking boxes over next week.

But I want to be there now!

So... Where's my ruby slippers?

---------

The last couple of weeks have been insanely busy... I've been sick, not going to the gym as a result, my mood not so good, I'm stressing out...
The accident is causing a backlash with ... well... a backlash.
And basically, it's my life, going on as usual.
I have managed to continue on as usual but had to prioritize the things I SHOULD be doing as compared to those things I HAVE to be doing...
Certain things got put on the back burner,
NOW I must get packing and moving... as that date is quickly approaching.
and the purge has begun...
but not as quickly and as vastly as I would like.
I'll get through it...
I know I will
And I'll get back to regular blogging.
I just need time!

I'm trying desperately not to get discouraged.
But everytime I make another appointment, I get a sick feeling in my stomach.
There has to be the apartment out there for me... that is exactly what I am looking for.

I mean, I don't think I am asking too much.

NO basements.
NO kids running above me... (if possible)
I can't be scrimping and scrounging for money every month.
It has to be a clean/half decent building - not decrepit or run-down.

Is that too much to ask?

There is one place I found that I absolutely love... The kitchen was smaller, the bathroom has a clawfoot tub with the wrap around curtain...
but the rent was above my absolute budget...
that would mean I wouldn't eat for a year (until the car was paid off) AND Maggie could not get new tires or have anything happen to her this year at all! And well, Maggies doesn't have a very good track record, does she?

I saw ANOTHER basement... great couple that own the house... but a definite NO!
and the nastiest apartment building EVER!
And A... newly renovated, clean upper apartment, one bedroom... that was anything but...
it was a dirty, freshly painted, cheap carpet (that was laid improperly and the seams were already showing) and the windows were 150 years old... Easily! And the stairs were so steep and narrow there was no way a modern couch would fit up them...

I'm not discouraged...
I'm thinking I have 3 days without a car - as Maggie is in for the royal treatment... A Front End Manicure (hehehe)And I am going to start sorting through the crap here...
so for now... I hand the baton to someone else...

that's the adventures in apartment hunting.

I never see my family.
And by never I mean, there is the once or twice a year gathering that occurs at someone's house within a month of a specific holiday.
These are grand affairs... Lots of food, many people - the whole shebang... Basically hours of prep and clean-up after for the "host" family and travel time for everyone else.

And frankly... I am not a social person.
I mean, I like my family.
I just prefer them in small doses, and preferably just one or 2 members at a time.

My Mom is an hour away... And she is the closest.
She lives with my favourite aunt (and uncle, they are a pair! hehehe).
I IM her instead of chatting on the phone.
My brother is almost 4 hours away... That is a guaranteed overnight visit...

And my sister, recently home from Japan, is 2 hours north of Toronto - a little less if traffic is good. I haven't seen her since she got home, she's insanely busy.

It got me thinking... How close is too close?

Living in the same town, right across the street, you are almost obligated to see your parents daily... Or talk to them everyday... Which is great if you like them... But stopping in all the time, quick dinners, it starts to lose it's intimacy appeal.

Anything over an hour drive becomes an EVENT! It has to be planned, cleaning, someone is driving and there can't be a quick visit... It is a whole afternoon (OH trust me on this one - it's a guaranteed 3 hours) and the guilt if you try to leave before that - cause they never see you...

I figure - within a larger city would be great... But just as long as you aren't in the same district.
Or - how about a 30 minute drive apart. Still quick enough to meet somewhere for lunch or dinner every couple of weeks, then heading home...

see... perfection!

For now, e-mail and IM will have to do... cause I am too busy to take the day off to go see everyone... they aren't even in the same direction!

Sometimes the TV is on for background noise, you know.
Today I have the Food network on.

Sugar, that show where the chick makes desserts.
I don't indulge usually (unless I am PMSing or really really bitchy)
well - she made these squares, with white chocolate chips, peanuts (whick I hate) and condensed milk and I think coconut... well - I suddenly feel the need to bake and or put my hand into the TV and grab an effing square...

I think I need to go to the bakery and see what I can find that's gooey and good and bad for me...

yup - I've had that kind of day.

And it's only 10:30am

I can't believe it - This is my 300th post! And to celebrate, I thought I would put up a couple more pictures from Newfoundland. This is one of my favourites, taken at Cape Spear. I loved Cape Spear, it's the most easternly point of North America and at the top of the hill there is a lighthouse (I think it is one of the first in North America - I can't remember what the sign said) but they built a second lighthouse at one point and I got this really cool picture from the top of the hill...



At the bottom of the hill there is a Battery... not for a cell phone, but where the army used to live and work and it has little rooms. And Don and I were exploring and well all we could see was an opening. Don pulled out his cellphone and held it up, but there was no way his meager light was going to penetrate that blackness that was this "hole"... so I held up the camera, pointed and shot... and this is what came out...



Cool huh! From a dark hole to the freakiest room EVAR!!! it looks like lightning on the back wall, but I swear to you, this was the darkest spot ever.

Then at the end of the "hallway" we came across a cannon... A big Cannon.
I love NFLD!


OK... wimpy for a 300th post I think, but considering I have 2 Chaotic blogs - and the other has 115 posts on it, technically this is post 415, so whatev's.

Thinking about it...
Since starting to post, I have learned to link to other blogs (thanks Firefly, I am posting pictures, and I have gone through (and survived) the worst depression of my entire existence. I think I might have made some friends along the way. Not a bad experience if you think about it.

Oh yeah, and I guess I shouldn't forget, the whole weightloss thing.. but who counts that, eh!

I went for sushi tonight.
Real sushi.
At a Japanese restaurant.
I want to revoke all past statements I have made about my taste for sushi.
And change it to ...
I LOVE sushi!!!

I mean, this was FRESH.
The fish melted on my tongue.
The eel was tasty and juicy (it was cooked).
The oyster was not chewy, but tender and delicious.

And the wasabi was so hot my eyes watered...

Everytime I have had sushi it was preprepared, and had sat, even for an hour.
Tonight it was rolled just before it was served to me.

I think I had a miniature orgasm with every piece I ate...
yup.
It was that good.

and on that note,
I admit
I have to get out more often.

All he said was "you should listen to what people are saying, because they aren't saying it to make conversation, you look really good".

Today I was told by 3 different guys that I look good, and all were unsolicited.
One was from the guy that I rear-ended on Wednesday. I saw him at the gym and he came up to say hi to me while I was chatting with another guy from work. They agreed that I do look really good. The third guy is one who works at the gym whom I have been talking to for months now. He didn't recognize me tonight, and when he finally did he said I've lost more weight and I look really good!

I look at myself and do not see the person I have become.
I still see the person I was.
Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the new me, but usually the glimpse is quick and I barely acknowledge that I am seeing myself.
I have no idea how to fix this.

Mind you... 3 comments from 3 guys in one night... That's quite the ego boost.
I guess you take it from where you can get it.

Ever want to just pick up and leave.
Just get in your car and keep on going.

I am in the mood to hide away. Or run from the darkness that is set to follow me.
I don't want to be enveloped.
For months now I have been unhappy with my current living situation, the apartment has it's faults - water in the cold cellar, it's a basement, cold, damp, unfinished windows... And I want out.

So instead of getting in my car and driving forever, I have decided to move.

I'm a little scared, change terrifies me.
I don't know where I am going to go yet.
I have figured out exactly how much I can afford and I hope I can find a place that is worthy of the amount I have to spend. Although it would be better if I could have money left over at the end of every month too!

There's change afoot, and I feel like I should be celebrating.

Instead I just want to go to bed.

As long as my bed is in a different house!

So, there I was in St. John's, NFLD. Canada, for those of you that aren't sure. It's on the East Coast (above New York). Anyway... Geography lesson over...

Dea, Don and I were on our way to Signal hill and were taking the scenic route through the city - cause the city is cool too... All the buildings and houses are painted different colours... I will find those pictures.. But this is better (really)... And I saw this...



It's an Ice Cream parlor. Don says they have great ice cream. Made right in the store. Now.. I didn't try it, it was before lunch time, and I was somewhere between frozen and really effing cold... so ice cream was not really something I wanted.



But I thought of one of my favorite bloggers EVAR!!! and had to get a picture of this place.. Cause well... LOOK AT IT!!!!
How cool is MOOMOO's?



Maybe you should consider a trip to NFLD just for the ice cream - oh, and there's some great trails and the hills would be fabulous on a bike!

I'm home... It's bittersweet.
I really missed my bed. But I forgot how much I missed my friend too. And the look on her face was one I won't soon forget... And I don't have too.. I captured it on ... Um... film... no... memory card... yeah... but that is so cheesy... I guess, I captured it for posterity, until I delete it anyway!









This is a quick post... Basically cause Firefly is waiting patiently by the computer looking for pictures... hehehe... They are coming babe... I'm gonna upload to Flickr later... But they are coming...
And there are more posts to come all about everything that happened - cause this trip was fantastic.