... and into the Light

It's almost over - school, the endless avoidance of homework, and the feeling of being pressured... all the time.
The meds are ... well meds.
I am losing my interest in Facebook and am thinking of deleting my profile at the end of the month.
I feel the need to get back to my roots - do all the things I claim I am doing but instead I am just sitting on the fucking computer wasting my own time... there's books to be read, stories to be told, therapy techniques to learn, family and friends to see and a sun outside that I am hiding from because - god forbid - I not slap someone back right away on FaceBook - or collect all my points on Slingo.

I guess I want my life back.
The easy simple one... because the one I am living right now disappoints me - just a little.

Labels: facebook, school, simplifying

I am actually not sure which blog this belongs in - it's going to be random and slightly confusing - but I do have a point.

It, apparently, is OK to feel numb and empty on this medication, it means it's working. But I kind of like having emotions and feelings. The moments of total body numbness means the meds are working - but they pass fairly quickly, as long as I don't fall down it's no harm no foul.
It turns out my psychiatrist wasn't confident in my decision to have my surgery - until she went back in her notes... now she's OK with it, as long as I disclose said information to any potential relationships I could be entering.

My surgeon informed me that I have endometriosis, but since he was in there anyway - he burned off the scar tissue and I should have no problems for a while - but I didn't know I was having problems to begin with - so - whatev's!

I am addicted to FaceBook and can play on it all day!
It's fun.
I have found so many people from college that I have dearly missed, and also friends from growing up in Point Clark! Oh boy - the good times!

I have 5 oral presentations to prepare for my 2 classes... yup - 5. I guess I fell behind. I can't wait for these classes to be over I need the break to focus on myself and my recovery and my therapy and... I have way too many books to read!

Right now though - I am thinking a nap is in order - then I want to get at least 2 of those oral presentations done. It shouldn't be too bad.

Crap - and I have to do laundry.

Labels: napping, ramblings, surgury

I have a google mail account. It's cool, the personalized page that pops up - that you can personalize and that is just for me!

Well - on my page I have my horoscope, everyday a new horoscope that is just for me. The strange thing is - for the last 2 weeks everyday that horoscope has accurately conveyed my emotional state, and the general feeling I have upon waking before even turning on the computer. (Actually I wake up the computer - details details).
Today seems like it's gonna be a really good day - full of promise...

You may feel supported, even emotionally nurtured, by your friends now as the Moon moves through your social 11th House. You are driven by your need to feel connected with your community and are willing to go out of your way to make something happen. This healthy connection with others can be uplifting, but don't use it as a way of avoiding your feelings, especially if something has been bothering you for a while.

That's today... I find it fascinating, just a little bit!

Labels: fate, funny, horoscopes

It’s funny how the world flips in turn and the things that were exciting or interesting become dull.
The same thing happens with the things that are exciting on the internet.
I mean look at the activity drop within Blogger’s circle - where’d everybody go?
And MySpace? Or Hi5?
Yes - people still like it - but it is way too commercial.
Now it’s FaceBook.com. A place where you can more easily find friends/family/groups etc that encourages conversation and playing…
But how long will this last?
I mean it’s cool that I have found friends from college, my cousins, extended family that I otherwise would have lost contact with or only seen at a wedding or funeral. There’s also the co-workers that I haven’t seen in ages.
Yeah - it’s cool. And there was a story in the paper (can’t remember which one - Phoenix told me so I’m assuming the Toronto Sun) and the popularity skyrocketed.
Friends and pokes everywhere!
I have missed interaction with my friends and I regret losing touch with my schoolmates, at the same time it is a fantastic distraction instead of doing those things I should be doing - like studying and homework - or even leaving the house. It’s all right though. I am sure this one’s popularity will end soon enough.
Something else too though - all these sites still create an atmosphere of isolation and loneliness. You aren't actually communicating - you're still hiding. Sometimes - most often - it should be human interaction - and not the electronic way.

Labels: communcation, facebook, friends

Weirdest thing is knowing it’s over and done with. I have no regrets, I do have some discomfort so I am reminded of my choice - but I have no regrets.
I know I have made the “right” decision for me. Not everyone would choose this path, but I am strangely comfortable with my choice. I could use some more Advil - but everything else is ok.
For some reason I thought I’d have more to write about… but I guess not.

Labels: decisions, regrets