... and into the Light

my nap. it was deserved, and nice.
The cat turned the bed into a massager... it was vibrating.
AWESOME!

blogs i have missed you
life has gotten out of hand
and i have forgotten what i love most about you
but now i remember
and i promise to return... sooner than later.
until then
thank you for being here ready and waiting for my thoughts, ideas and ramblings...
ttfn

i have been cleaning up my facebook page... cause there's a lot of crap on it... and came across this in my notes... written in July 2008. Kind of made me giggle. then i remembered why i wrote it. Just wanted to add it to the mix.

Just a warning!

Being my friend can cause pain, heartache, disappointment and the tendency to want to murder me.
I am giving everyone the choice to maintain contact and friendship with me or walk away now.

Be advised that I have foot in mouth disease.
I have been known to be both selfish and selfless.
I am moody and irritable.
I will burden you insatiably.
And I am a complete and total fool.
I guess I shouldn’t forget to mention the fact that I am a complete basket case and have been known to make the simplest thing the most difficult experience of your entire life.
There is no end to the sadness and pain that I can and probably will cause in your life.
But I do have the ability to make up for some of it at least.
While sometimes it is good to be my friend - I can be quite amusing - it is also a physically and emotionally draining experience and I feel it 100% necessary to inform everyone to the perils of being my friend.

Today I am not depressed, but I am tired.
Today I am unmotivated, but I did mow the lawn and flatten a pile of dirt. Also did my good deed and mowed the neighbours front yard too.
Today I am tired, even though I got more than enough sleep.
Today I am smiling even though I am alone.
Today I love him, miss him and hope he has a great vacation even though I am glad he is away. I get to rediscover me.
Today is a good day.

For as long as I can remember I have been a basketcase. Over-reacting, over-analyzing, illogical and irrational about almost every facet of my existance. I require friends to keep me grounded and well... not crazy.
Until now.
I stopped the medication in March. and feel better now than I ever have. My mind is clear. I am seeing life as it should be, to be enjoyed and experienced. I want to get out and explore, do things and see things. Of course work gets in the way. I am very aware that I have lived in a protective bubble for the last 10 years. And as such have no idea how to get out and LIVE without being guided. But I am willing to learn and try. And am looking forward to the challenge.

In the meantime, I have scuba diving! a new man, a house, a car and it is officially nice weather so getting out and biking and walking are the "goals". Everything else will fall into place.

Sometimes talking to a friend can make the shit going on with me seem miniscule. Which really is what I need 90% of the time.
So what if the dryer decided to quit,
and the cupboard fell off the wall.

It could be worse, someone could be hurt, or dying.
Accidents happen, they are meant to test one's endurance and strength. Learn from the situation and move on.
Appliances breaking, cabinets falling. those are things with immediate solutions, easy fixes

My "problems" are easy fixes.
that realization made me apologize for the "freak out!"

You are torn between wanting to get out and do something that takes you far away or staying at home and isolating yourself from the rest of the world. But neither of these extremes will work as you probably have your regular responsibilities to handle today. Others may not even realize your current dissatisfaction for you are masterful now at covering your unfulfilled desires with apparent busyness. Just don't be so clever that you also mislead yourself

This is what awaited me on Google horoscopes today.
And it is so true.
I am completely dissatisfied with my life adn situation at the moment.
Disgruntled about my workplace.
Hating my body and self.
And hiding it really well. sort of.

so... now what???

Labels: horoscopes, truth