... and into the Light

I will be off-line for a couple of days.

Hopefully back on for Thursday, we'll see how things go...

Have fun until then!

I agreed to be interviewed by Vegas and as I am in the process of moving these are quick answers. So here I go...

1. Is there a certain aspect about Dragaonflies that inspired you to take that as your blogger identity?

Honestly - Firefly set up the initial blog and the names, both Dragonfly and Nikoll... I have no idea where Dragonfly came from, but she gave me the coolest lamp that has a dragonfly on it that glows that I can't wait to find and unpack!!

2. If you could have dinner with a famous person (living or dead) who would it be and why?

WOW.... what a great question... Steven Page of the Barenaked Ladies is incredibly intelligent and funny. I would love to know what inspires him - but if you read his blog you can find that out... so probably not him. Pierre Elliot Trudeau (an Ex- Prime Minister) is a distant relative of mine and made a huge impact on all of Canada and its politics, people either loved him or hated him... it would be interesting to see how he felt about that. SO I'd probably go with Pierre Elliot Trudeau.


3. Do you think that Canada is what it is all abOOt? Hee Hee Hee.

Is anything every what it all about? Stereotypes and labels give people the wrong impression... I think that Canada is a great place to live and has many positives and there are a few negatives (like 4 months of snow) but I think we have a great education and health care system, and that if you know where to look for it you can find whatever you need...


4. *James Lipton Warning* What is your favorite sound?

My bird purring... nothing beats the contentment that comes in that moment of his relaxation as we sit cuddling, me scratching his head and him purring contentedly in my arms... and people think parrots aren't cute!

(Not to sound dumb but...Who is James Lipton?)

5. What scares you more than it should and why?

Live Frogs... why??? no idea, but I scream like those idiot girls in 'B' horror flicks then cry hyserically in the corner until someone comes to help me...
Firefly was at my house once when one was in the windowsill and laughed for 5 minutes before removing it from the house...
If I have to take care of the situation on my own I will put on rubber gloves and push the frog into a box then let it go outside... but I really don't like them! The stupid thing is I used to catch frogs in the swamp behind my house... I'm OK with frogs in terrariums and I love snakes... it's just frogs.


OK...
so if anyone wants to be interviewed... let my know...
Just leave a comment!

And the more I pack the more crap I find. I have come to the realization that I never use half of the crap that I use... I have had the same bottle of sparkling gel for 4 years, I have perfumed body lotion and shower gel that I have had since college and a facial mask that I had an allergic reaction too. A wicker chair that is falling apart and taped together in parts but I have had since I was 18 and was the first piece of furniture I was ever given (and never sit in for fear of it collapsing from pressure). A broken candle holder that Bec gave me that I have cemented back together. Clothes that I never wear and pictures and candles that have been in storage since I lived at home (over 12 years ago)... the problem is so much is already packed. And I thought I had already gotten rid of so much.

I guess my thought is...

Where do you draw the line?
When is it OK to throw stuff out?
At what point can you allow yourself to eliminate those possessions that have sentimental value as well, even if all they do is take up space.

The boxes that I have, I see and think - oh my... what is in here... what do I have that is taking up so much space. I feel that when I open these boxes absolutely nothing will be in storage, if I can't use it it will be gone!!!

I challenge everyone to find one useless thing that they are holding onto for sentimental reasons... that they have had for over 4 years and have not used or touched except to pack and unpack!!! That is my game! (for today!)

Still haven't thought of a game...

Vegas' stumped me this morning... what time is it there anyway - I should have checked but that guy never sleeps so it doesn't matter.

The funniest thing... while packing I have found some nteresting things and although I have never thought of myself as a packrat I do know that I am a bit obsessive compulsive and that I tend to 'collect' certain things (ie. socks).
So far I have found 2 brand new deodarants, 4 toothbrushes (still in their packages), 2 tubes of new toothpaste, 4 partial tubes of toothpaste, no less than 10 bookmarks, and 3 brand new tubes of my favourite chapstick (the kind FF likes too) still in the packages.
And about a million bobby pins - I thought I didn't have any!!!

THe garbage is going to be huge this week!

... and I think I am ready.
I have a moving plan.
I am a lot calmer this week than I was last week, even with the chaos of the weekend.
I am organized and believe that the day of the move is going to go well.

Tan has suggested that I move boxes upstairs - get them out of the way - but I do not want the dog near them - he might pee on them - he pees on everything else. Maybe on the weekend I will move stuff upstairs and into the garage (when the BF is here to help) but not before. I have it very well organized though - weird...
I made the unfortunate mistake of putting all the birds toys in one box - including the musical ones. The musical toys are oat the bottom of the box and other things are on top. If I move the box the toys "sing" and "Love me Tender" is a great song but really irritating when playing at the same time as "The Sound of Music". I think I have to re-pack that box... The bird likes it though!

I was thinking
Everyone else has a game on their blog...
Vegas - movie of the week (which we haven't seen in a while) and the iPod music game
The new Stolen Book Game
Firefly has the Forensics Tidbits info game...

What could I do????

This is the first book I could find - on the way to my bedside table - so it was the closest - as per the rules posted on Vegasgustan's Blog (borrowed from Texas Buscuit).

The book belongs to my soon to be former roommate and is called "The Impossibility of Sex" by Susie Orbach
page 123
line 5

"... at one's ideal size and staying with what it engenders long enough to dispel the fantasy of its magical healing powers can bring to the surface the conflicts and issues that have kept the person from attaining her ideal size. Knowing what fears or problems are accentuated and what disappointments lurk in reaching one's ideal size, one has the opportunity to engage and reflect upon them. One discovers how emotional problems have become translated into problems of size and what emotional states are unconsciously coded within the ideal or smaller body. An examination of these emotional issues can be a prelude to an individual's inhabiting a smaller body."

This book contains intimate stories between therapists and patients and I haven't read it, but in keeping with the rules that is what I grabbed. I am in fact trying to figure out how to give it back to the roommate with out reading it even though I said I would.

I am currently reading a book that my Godchild reccommended and I don't even know if it has 123 pages.

*I edited this and added the three full sentences as per Vegas' instruction's... Now I want to read the whole chapter... entitled "Fat Is A... Issue".
But I have stuff to do!!!*

and moved the boxes to the other side of the room...around the corner and out of the line of sight of the bird - a little too much of a curiosity for the poor bastard. Everytime I turn around he is running for the boxes and trying to pull tape off - climbing, giggling, eating... it is gettign ridiculous. I have had to close his cage door - a first for him in a while - he thinks he is in trouble.

Tomorrow he should be so much better as the boxes are all out of view and he can finally play again.

It is funny though...

This way I can see better what is packed and EMPTY and what still needs to be cleaned out... So much to do... but not really.

I have accomplished a lot today and my list is barely any shorter... I am quite proud of myself though as it is just after 10am. Mind you I haven't eaten yet and I am getting hungry.

I took Em's boys to school.
Shovelled the driveway (twice) the first time was so I could leave it - the second to make it even.

I went to our Human Resource offices and faxed off paper work, spoke with the return to work specialist (whom already knows my WHOLE story and the return to work date), had many questions answered. Made an appointment with uniforms as I need new ones since I am switching back to the OLD casino and don't have those uniforms anymore.
AND I've confirmed dinner plans for Friday night.

I still have to go get the Return to Work forms (but my doctors secretary isn't in until noon) and then go back to HR and the Medical office, submit them, call the department, and the scheduler, with the news that I am returning, and give them all the details... Oh my...
who knew returning to work would be such a pain in the ass!

I am going through the mess that is my computer desk...
Calling businesses... changing addressess, doing address changes on-line and what do I find... that ever elusive package of photos that I have been looking for since Friday and have been unable to locate... and if you can believe it I finally gave up and taped the photo box shut yesterday!!!

IT never fails...
I knew I had them and I knew I was missing them...
What a funny thing to find now...
I knew I would finally calm down and find the brighter side of things...

2 more weeks til the move.
Em and I have a plan... we are going to start moving boxes a car load at a time the day before and put them in the kids room (they will be at their dads house that night thanks to the joint custody arrangement). She's going to run all my dishes through ther dishwasher on the weekend before I move in too... She's so sweet... her kitchen is going to be a mess... just for me!!!

And my Dad's girlfriend offered me a kitchen table (I don't have one ) but I don't know how I'm going to get it here... I think Dad has a trailer and can bring it for me... It might be finally coming together!!!

Okay Fluffy...
I will do this for you.
I am surprised you didn't get more.

1. My walls are getting wider and my eyes are drawn astray I see you now a vague deception of a dying day.

SARAH MCLACHLAN - VOX

2. The worst part was hitting the ground not the feeling so much as the sound.

BARENAKED LADIES - TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT

3. So I turned the radio on I turned the radio up and this woman was singin my song.

LISA LOEB - STAY

4. The love I put away like games that children play. The heart you choose to break like cars dumped in the lake.

BNL - I LIVE WITH IT EVERYDAY

5. Don't go home now it's past midnight you can sleep here we'll have breakfast.

JANN ARDEN - ODE TO A FRIEND

6. I might want to mary you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body.

ALANIS MORISETTE - HANDS CLEAN

7. All this time I can't believe I couldn't see, kept in the dark but you were there in front of me.

EVANESANCE - BRING ME TO LIFE

8. An enigma wrapped in a mystery or a fool consumed by fear?

BNL - FOR YOU

9. We made love in a bed that sank down to the floor in a room that had a postcard on the door.

SPIRIT OF THE WEST - VENICE IS SINKING

10. Hey little girl would youlike some candy your momma said that it's OK.

SARAH MCLACHLAN - GOOD ENOUGH

11. The worst is over now and we can breathe again I wanna hold you high you steal my pain away.

SEETHER FEAT. AMY LEE - BROKEN

12. I blacked out I came to and it's all such a blur had a blast I assume but I'm really not sure exactly where am I now baby?

AMANDA MARSHALL - SUNDAY MORNING AFTER

13. Have you heard the one about the boy who moved into the henhouse to sleep? He woke up with egg on his face when he found out all the hens had crossed the street.

BNL - HUMOUR OF THE SITUATION

14. Remember that night at my window when I waved at you? I must have been only 5 or so but I never forgot you.

BIF NAKED - SPACEMAN

15. Here drink some water soon you'll feel better I know we have all my love.

JANN ARDEN - MEND

16. No one knows what its like to feel these feelings like I do and I blame you.

LIMP BIZKIT - BEHIND BLUE EYES

17. mirror in the sky what is love? can the child within my heart rise above.

DIXIE CHICKS - LANDSLIDE (STEVIE NICKS / FLEETWOOD MAC ALSO ACCEPTABLE)

18. Maybe I caught you at a bad time Maybe I should call you back next week maybe half the fault was mine

BNL - HELLO CITY

19. I'm losing sleep and it's gonna be keeping me up all night I thought it was funny but now I got money on a monkey fight.

BNL - ANOTHER POSTCARD

20. Why do I find it hard to write the next line when I want the truth to be said.

SPANDEAU BALLET - TRUE

21. My lips are dry, I'm teary eyed for you, my love. Hearken all you fallen angels, help me find a place to rest my head.

JANN ARDEN - SAVED

22. I'm sick with the Bejing Flu and you choose then not to come home, A week later I caught you kissing a girl who was my clone!

BIF NAKED - MOMENT OF WEAKNESS

23. I'm in the middle of nowhere, near the end of the line. But there's a border to somewhere waiting.

MEATLOAF - FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

24. Cause you were the greatest friend of all except for when you split my lip in two. To see the look upon your face as I launch you into space.

BNL - SOME FANTASTIC

25. Oh please machine, lets keep this terminal clean I say I see your face in every crowd...

ROBERT DOWNEY JR - BROKEN

26. I want to wake up I want to know where I'm going I want to go where the rivers are over flowing

TRACY CHAPMAN - I'M READY

27. I wonder where I'd go if I could fly around downtown, from some other planet, I get this funky high on yellow sun.

MATCHBOW 20 - REAL WORLD

28. Marry him, or marry me. I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see?

SPIN DOCTORS - TWO PRINCES

29. Don't you love the life you killed, The priest is on the phone. Your father hit the wall, your ma disowned you.

GOOGOO DOLLS - SLIDE

30. Lying here with you, listening to the rain, smiling just to see the smile upon your face

EDWIN MCCAIN - I COULD NOT ASK FOR MORE


well there you go - I hope I got them all in the right order again... I would double check - but who wants to..

I hope you had fun...
I did..
I realize though that I have so many favorite songs that I don't have access to anymore - my car got broken into and I have been afraid to buy music since and I don't have the abilities to burn music (plus it was SO illegal)...

Good job though!

and I think it is getting better...
I don't feel like doing the answers to my music list... I don't have cut and paste options so I have to retype everthing and I haven't figured out how to import files yet...

I'll do it later...
right now I think I am going to play golf...

I haven't done that in a while.
I've been reading instead.

I find it interesting that seeing my psychiatrist puts things in perspective so quickly. My mood is lifting already on the new dose, and I slept better last night (except for waking up not able to breathe - stupid cold). But I feel pretty good.

The music game answers will be posted on Friday...

So Firefly...
GET YOUR GUESSES POSTED.

consider yourself warned!

And I am officially sick... stupid cold.
My face hurts and it makes me laugh... and the bird keeps putting his head in his water dish and blosing bubbles - he is going to have a shower with me - that will stop his madness. (I've had a fire going for a couple of days so it's nice and warm down here and he's happy about it.

I have a return to work date - I am happy about that. Something to look forward to... March 14th.. 3 days a week.. 4 hours a day. She wants to increase the days before the hours, she agress with my fear of freaking out at patrons rather than the money. Then I can increase the hours once I am comfortable.

She questions my BF too... whether he is going to get off his ASS and do anything with our relationship. How weird is that? She thinks that before I accept an engagement ring we need to address changing the problems in our relationship... I thinkit funny.

I know this isn't an overly beautiful/positive post and I should probably have continued from yesterday but I feel better today and I think it funny. Maybe I just needed to talk to the Dr.

I needed her reasurance that I realy am ready to go back and am making the right choices.

It is funny how often I question my own judgement.
And how often I am right!

I BEAT TIGER WOODS!

I played him for the third time and today I won!!!
I can't believe it!!!

So happy - screaming, dancing, yelling...
Thank goodness no one is home. Mind you Tan knows I am obsessed with this and would be excited for me.

So I achieved Legend status... very exciting.
AND I unlocked Sunday Tiger...

Cool.

Now I can focus on the PGA tour... see how many titles I can win... so far just 1.

Yeah me!

Okay - as I don't have an iPod (like some) or an MP3 player... this is my a list of my favorite songs and some old faves...

How many can you get... (I hope they aren't too Canadian for you!)

1. My walls are getting wider and my eyes are drawn astray, I see you now a vague deception of a dying day.

2. The worst part was hitting the ground Not the feeling so much as the sound

3. So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up, and this woman was singing my song

4. The love I put away, like games the children play. The heart you choose to break, like cars dumped in the lake.

5. Don't go home now it's past midnight you can sleep here we'll have breakfast.

6. I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and you keep that firm body

7. All this time I can't believe I couldn't see, kept in the dark but you were there in front of me.

8. An enigma wrapped in a mystery or a fool consumed by fear?

9. We made love on a bed that sank down to the floor, in a room with a postcard on the door.

10. Hey little girl would you like some candy your momma said that its ok

11. The worst is over now and we can breathe again I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away.

12. I blacked out I came to And it's all such a blur had a blast I assume but I'm really not sure. Exactly where am I know baby.

13. Have you heard the one about the boy who moved into the henhouse to sleep? He woke up with egg on his face when he found out all the hens had crossed the street.

14. Remember that night at my window when I waved at you? I must have been 5 or so but I never forgot you.

15. Here drink some water soon you'll feel better I know we have all my love.

16. Maybe I caught you at a bad time Maybe I should call you back next week Maybe half the fault was mine

17. Mirror in the sky what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above?

18. No one knows what its like to feel these feelings like I do, and I blame you.

19. I'm losing sleep and it's gonna be keeping me up all night. I thought it was funny but now I got money on a monley fight.

20. Why do I find it hard to write the next line when I want the truth to be said.

21. My lips are dry I'm teary eyed for you my love Hearken all you fallen angels help me find a place to rest my head

22. I'm sick with the Bejing flu and you chose then not to come home A week later I caught you kissing a girl who was my clone

23. I'm in the middle of no wherenear the end of the line But there's a border to somewhere waiting

24. Cause you were the greatest friend of all except for when you split my lip in two To see the look upon your face as I launch you into space.

25. Oh please machine lets keep this terminal clean I say, I see your face in every crowd...

26. I want to wake up I want to know where I'm going I want to go where the rivers are overflowing

27. I wonder where I'd go if I could fly around downtown from some other planet I get this funky high on yellow sun

28. Marry him or marry me I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see?

29. Don't you love the life you killed The priest is on the phone Your father hit the wall YOur ma disowned you

30. Lying here with you listening to the rain smiling just to see the smile upon your face



Well there you go!!

Good luck!

I beat BEN HOGAN!!!

then I decided to play Tiger - he beat my by 1 hole. (I really messed up the 18th hole).
AND it's SUNDAY TIGER! Tiger at his best!

I think I did pretty good...

I did some more packing today... I will do a little more tomorrow... and I have to finish my music list for ya'll.

All in all it has been a pretty good day!

I BEAT RICH BEEM!!!

I am dancing and singing and full of excited joy and happiness....
I kicked that bastards ass!!!

FINALLY!!!

How long have I been trying to get him... TOO LONG!
and today I did it...
it is going to be a great day...

Next on my hit list...

Ben Hogan.

Then..

The man himself... Tiger Woods!
Then the Legend Tour is over and I am off and Running with the PGA tour!!! WHOO HOO!!!

Don;t worry, dear readers, I am sure my BF will take the PS2 back soon and you won't have to read these updates for a while....
just my sobbing about how much I miss playing...

BUT I FINALLY BEAT HIM!!!
GO ME!!!

All at the same time.

I drove around today and found boxes - bigger ones (although my diploma doesn't fit in with the lid on) and I am going through drawers now. I have decided there are things that need to be thrown out, or donated.
I even packed my DVD's - but I didn't seal that box!

I am excited about the move.
Em is worried that her "tenant" will decide not to leave and she'll have to evict him and I won't have anywhere to go... but I reminded her that even if Tan has someone to move into the basement I should be able to move into the spare room (that Lisa was in) until Em can get him out. I doubt Tan would leave me with no where to go. But I do not think that Em's tenant would NOT leave either. He may stiff her out of rent, but I think he will leave.
I am not worrying about it...

Right now I am trying to get as much done as I can so that at the end of the month I am not scrambling at stressing as that is the worst thing for me. I think I am going about it the right way for now... a little bit every day and I am enjoying it so that is a good thing. (God - I sound like Martha Stewart)...

Soon there won't be much more I can do...
packing wise that is...

I beat Gary Player!!!

I'm haveing a great day!

And I booked a U-Haul...
It's been a productive day too!


I rock!
Oh and I'm 1 up on Rich Beem - 16 more holes to go!

I beat ARNOLD PALMER!!!

FINALLY!!!
I ROCK!!
I am dancing and singing around the room and the bird thinks I'm crazy but I finally beat the bugger!

Now if only I could beat Rich Beem...
He eluded me by 1 stroke this morning and then I moved on... I hate that course... if I could play him somewhere else I could kick his butt!

But I beat ARNOLD PALMER!!!!

Yeah me!

Now I have to go rent a U-haul truck...

about the iPod music game going on...
and sonce I don't have an iPod or MP3 player this would be difficult for me.

Besides I am one of those peole that would put in a favorite CD and listen for days and days before changing it without getting tired of it. (Which anyone who has been in a car with me will attest to.)
Most of the songs would be BNL anyway.

But the game itself is fun...

And when you finally see it...

You love it!

I rented Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Jim Carrey.
No idea what it whas about.
I had just read that he was really good and that there was some award nominations.

At first I was very confused, then loved the idea. To be able to erase memories would save a lot of heartache - you would think, but then you get thinking, how would you learn from mistakes.

But in certain situations it would be great...


It is better to have loved than lost than never have loved at all.

Tan asked if I was leaving on bad terms.
I said I was leaving because it was time - time for a change, time to move on, time for warmth, walls and a place of my own (my own kitchen all my own stuff and a place I can feel is truly my own). I have the added security of knowing the person living upstairs and being in close proximity to someone I talk to daily anyway.

Then she started CRYING!
she said that she is really going to miss me, that she feels as if she is loosing a best friend - even someone alone the same lines as a boyfriend - like this is a break up, and that our relationship will never be the same again. She wished she could lower rent and build me my own kitchen, enterance and walls so that I would stay. She would move me upstairs if that would help - but I said that I needed a place of my own. I had to remind her that the things I needed when I moved in have been fulfilled and now I need to move on and grow...

We talked of the security of having someone you know in the house with you. And she agreed that she really doesn't want to get to know anyone else, she took 5 years getting to know ne (even though I was only here for 4).
She has notices out for people to move in but no one has called - I think she is worried about the money she is losing.

I just can't believe she was that upset.
of course - she cried so I was crying...
I am such a geek.
But it was a strangely sincere conversation.

I bet if I asked she would help me move... I don't even think she is going to aske for the key back so I can come over and see the dog (look after the dog for her is more like it) BUT I will leave the key. It would be too tempting to snoop. Just to see if she is still spending... I doubt she could lose the psycho status that easily.

On a sadder note...
Lisa left today.
The only good thing - she gave me her George Foreman - said she is going to buy a bigger one anyway so I needed the little one more than she did... I love her. And I'm going to miss her... She said she'll call on Sunday. She's going to be so busy.