... and into the Light

I’ve done some strange things in my time. I mean, being escorted out of a town by police to prevent a friend from being arrested, you know - things like that.
Today is the start of a new era - the next phase in bathing the bird. I have discovered that he can be shampooed using no more tears baby shampoo. So today was his first “shampoo”. It wasn’t as bad for me as I thought, I expected scratches, bites, screaming (from him, not me) and well… like a psycho / Hitchcock movie scenario.
What I got was a little bird, clean and smelling pretty, and some kisses thank you.
He never ceases to amaze me. He has changed so much since I took over his care almost 10 years ago. He’s become so sweet and cuddly. I wish my family could truly experience the real George, the one I know and play with everyday.
Mind you - I do enjoy finding new ways to “torture” him. He is cold and shivering right now, but he smells baby fresh!

Labels: George, shampoo

Ok
I think I lied - or misinterpreted the signs.
I woke up today on a mission.
I am tidying, doing dishes, on my second load of laundry and I don’t want to stop.
Not sure whether or not it’s mania or excitement about seeing the doctor today, and going out for lunch with a friend.
But whatever it is - I’m gonna come home to a clean house.
I love my French class - I went to my teacher last night and told her that the manic cycle I have been experiencing all week has prevented me from concentrating on anything and she understood - said I could hand in my homework next week - but wanted the presentation done this week.
I had to make stuff up on the spot - but it’s cool, it was actually fun.
Class ran late though - too much goes on in that class. Now I just have to prepare for the 2 other classes I have missed cause of this.
AAAAHHHHHH
But I’m not worried.

Labels: cleaning, friends, manic

I think it’s over.
NO not the world, just the manic cycle I have been in for the last 4 days.
I can’t say I will miss the bouncing, constant movement and well the giggling and talking relaly fast - but maybe - just maybe - I can concentrate a little harder now.
I say I think it’s over - because I went to bed at 10pm last night and slept until just after 8am.
This is the most sleep I have had in a week. And I would really like to go back to sleep - I’m still tired.
Damn mania - when you come down you sleep for 2 days.
Just to make up for the lack of sleep over the manic period.
I have an incredible amount of homework to do - 4 both classes, and for CBT.
I promised to meet a friend for lunch today and I await my tax refund - netfiled my return yesterday! It’s great to have friends that do taxes!
Damn - I’m tired.
So tired I have already fallen off my balance ball… Maybe I should lie down before I hurt myself.

Labels: concentration, manic, sleep

BareNaked Ladies - Friday night - absolutely incredible! Phoenix and I had a fantastic time, and I was stronger than I thought. One major panic attack but just in the crowd awaiting the wristbands/USB cards from the show. BUt we got through it and all was well.

I got home and broke my USB card within a day - stupid balance ball rolled into it and now it doesn't work and I hadn't ahad a chance to transfer the concert into the computer. So... that sucks a LOT!
I got my sweatchirt - but I think I should have gotten a smaller size - even if they say this one will shrink.

I have been addicted to Charmed - cause Phoenix lent me the whole series. She's mean that one - chances are that she knows every single obsession that I have, and uses it against me. LoL!

I was approved for more CBT sessions... damn insurance, only doing things a little at a time. So I get to practice some more. Yeah!

George is being an idiot - so well, nothing unusual there.

My mood is up and down, there's nothing normal about it, therapy is good, my friends have been incredibly supportive, and I am alive. There's something to be proud of. I am in a better mood today than normal, I hope it lasts.

I went to the Mandarin with my landlords/adoptive parents (they think they'll keep me). I am so full I think I could throw up... hehehe.... that's a good meal.
I need to do my homework and I am writing again.

I know in my last couple of posts I sounded bad, I have good days and bad days, I have moments where I am angry at people for hurting my feelings and I have moments where I am completely vulnerable to the mental attacks of others.
Today appears to be a good day
and I'll take it!

Labels: lunch, moods, ramblings

I am so grateful to my sister, and my Mom for being willing to change their plans to be with me in my time of crisis. My sister actually came to spend the night with me and we chatted, went for sushi (yum!) and she was just here. I didn't feel as alone and even though the dark thought was there, I knew I could just call my sister - or cry and she would be there for me.

Just the knowledge that she was driving here made me feel less anxious.
I can cry infront of her.
I can be myself. We giggled and had a bit of fun.
I'm still bad, It's like suicide watch 2007 cause Phoenix is coming tonight, but I am not alone and I feel a little more secure that way.

Labels: depression, family, friends

Ok... so this isn't the post you all wanted to here. Or read.

Today has been the best day I have had in ages.
IT started with the taking of Maggie to the body shop, she got smacked - my poor baby! I now have a 2007 Mazda 3 which is really cool actually. I have a ZoomZoom! hehehe
And they washed it before they gave it to me... adn it's so effing cold out I have a car covered in ice pellets!
Then I went to the gym and worked out for a couple of hours - even went for a swim... where I only thought about drowning myself (lying on the bottom of the pool) once... that's pretty good for me. Yes.. I am still feeling very low. But I am dealing with it the best way I know how... good drugs!
The downside -too many drugs make DF fall over and walk into things... also I loose the ability to stay conscious if I stop moving and sit or lie down.. it is a pretty cool side effect if you ask me - but I don't get as much studying down as I would like.

George is good.. he's big into cuddles and sneak attacks now.. he's also figured out he knows how to pull up the linoleum in the kitchen (I think Utah and him are connected cosmically).

My classes... are interesting. I actually like going, we have fun and for some reason people in those classes like me. I enjoy school, it's a pleasure to go. And I have real teachers and feel like I am actually learning this time... that's a pleasure.

Yes.. good days and bad days are intertwined, I am having a good day.
And in one week I will be 33.
and all I want is all my friends to go out for dinner with me... I'm thinking Thai.
Oh.. and I have a BNL concert on the 16th.... that is with Phoenix and I am so excited I can barely stand it!

That's my life in a nutshell

Labels: BNL, depression, suicide