Tuesday, September 17, 2013
It's about time, and Life.
Life is a fickle thing. Easily given and easily taken away.
Maybe I have seem so much of it that now I am numb. Maybe I have stopped caring about those around me. Maybe the depression is too deep to allow me to feel what's really going on in my head, in my body or in my surroundings.
That seems a little far fetched, I think.
Because I know that I care. I care about those living with me and around me. I care about peoples happiness, health and well-being.
I also acknowledge that life is cyclical... we are born, we live, and we die. We impact those around us, and leave a mark, a memory or a feeling.
He was old, oh so old. He wasn't in his right mind anymore. He couldn't remember who anyone was he was refusing to eat or drink, he was refusing to speak - if in fact he had that ability anymore. His passing means that he is no longer suffering, that he isn't locked inside his own head anymore, that he is free at last.
It also means that he is no longer "Poppa" to my kids, his grandkids. It also means that those kids have another person to remember and not see whenever they can. It also means that my loves' mother is now alone, with no income, and will be assuming that R will pay for her to survive...
His loss is a relief. Hers will be a celebration.
We mourn the people who leave positive impressions in our lives, but not because we are sad to see them go, but because they gave us something to be thankful for.
I had 1 meal with him where he was able to have a conversation, and talk normally. He was a delight, funny, charming, charismatic. That's what I will remember. I mourn that he suffered for 3 years. Multiple strokes, a heart attack, and having to put up with her...
It is a relief that he is finally at peace.
Does that make me a bad person? The fact that I want to celebrate him FINALLY letting go, and being able to pass quietly in his sleep.
I think it makes me a grown up.
Or at least, it makes me compassionate.
He was a good man.
He will be missed.
I will be ok. So will my family. Eventually.
Labels: life
Dragonfly 9/17/2013 08:36:00 AM
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