... and into the Light

Why is Ferris Bueller such a good movie?
Every time it is on I have to watch it.
It doesn't matter that I have own it and could watch it anytime, I will watch it edited to crap and with commercials just because it is on TV and I haven't seen it in a day, week or a couple of months.

Let's not talk about the fact that I should be studying for my French test (that is coming up on Wednesday) and that I have much cleaning and other chores to do here around the house... no lets not talk about that... But here I am, on the computer, and watching TV and not accomplishing anything.

OH... and I could mention that I left work early today too because I am not feeling good.
But that would be SO unlike me!!! hehehehe....

ok... so ... I should really go and try to accomplish something...
maybe I'll just annoy the cat.

Remember Scrat from the movie Ice Age. He gets stuck in a block of ice and floats out to sea...

There's a part of you that laughs because he's stuck in a block of ice and floating out to sea... and another part that feels bad because he's frozen solid and so cold he can't get to the only thing his heart desires... that acorn.

That's kind of how I felt today.

Like I was a frozen, not solid... but if I had been any where near water, It would have been a block of ice.

For some reason... it was insanely cold at work today... or I should say, in the part of the building I was working in... other parts of the building were quite warm.
My nose was bright red from the chill and my fingers were not performing at their usually high level of agility... not a pleasant sensation I must admit. Especially since I couldn't feel my hands... numb from the cold.

My supervisor even commented on the rosiness of my nose... "Rudolf", I think he nicknamed me. I believe he was called "bastard" under someone's breath (whom shall remain nameless)!

The problem with being cold... is that it makes me tired. I just want to crawl in to my nice warm bed (thank you, to whomever invented electric blankets) and hibernate there for hours, days, months!
Luckily I got to have some cream of tomato soup and a cup of tea on my break to thaw me out... unfortunately the feeling didn't last.
Breaks didn't last forever.
And I didn't get to go home early.
That was my hearts desire.

I got my blinker fixed today.
Hurray!
Now I don't have to listen to that annoying double time - *tick tick* whenever I want to make a right turn or a lane change.
Oh... and the exciting thing is the dealership did it in about 5 minutes and didn't charge me anything. WHOOHOO!!! Free light bulb!
The funny thing. Apparently when you take a light bulb out it triggers a short in the wiring and that caused the driving lights to malfunction too... stupid lights... but they reset when the blinker what turned on and off...

It was fairly amusing.

Then I went to the gas station and put 41.9 liters of gas in my car.
Not a big deal you say...
Well.. I have a 45 litre tank!
hehehe
Yeah.. I was cutting it a little close...
I mean I was probably good for another 30 kilometers or so... but who's checking.

The thing is... I never do that... I fill up before I get to a quarter of a tank... I never let it go that low and rarely do I let the light come on.
But today was one of those days where I had no time before my appointment to get gas so I had to wait... and then... well.. by the time I got back to Niagara Falls... it was low.. then there was a huge line up at the one gas station (they had a re-opening sale on) and then by the time I got to the one by my place it was ridiculous.
But amusing.

Ok... so the only boys in this story are the ones who gave me free light bulbs... but whatever.

So... How was your day?

I got my blinker fixed today.
Hurray!
Now I don't have to listen to that annoying double time - *tick tick* whenever I want to make a right turn or a lane change.
Oh... and the exciting thing is the dealership did it in about 5 minutes and didn't charge me anything. WHOOHOO!!! Free light bulb!
The funny thing. Apparently when you take a light bulb out it triggers a short in the wiring and that caused the driving lights to malfunction too... stupid lights... but they reset when the blinker what turned on and off...

It was fairly amusing.

Then I went to the gas station and put 41.9 liters of gas in my car.
Not a big deal you say...
Well.. I have a 45 litre tank!
hehehe
Yeah.. I was cutting it a little close...
I mean I was probably good for another 30 kilometers or so... but who's checking.

The thing is... I never do that... I fill up before I get to a quarter of a tank... I never let it go that low and rarely do I let the light come on.
But today was one of those days where I had no time before my appointment to get gas so I had to wait... and then... well.. by the time I got back to Niagara Falls... it was low.. then there was a huge line up at the one gas station (they had a re-opening sale on) and then by the time I got to the one by my place it was ridiculous.
But amusing.

Ok... so the only boys in this story are the ones who gave me free light bulbs... but whatever.

So... How was your day?

I have not spoken to him since August... maybe September. Not really by choice, it just kind of happened. Our paths haven't crossed and picking up the phone just isn't that easy when you really don't have that much to say.
But he called me, out of the blue, and said he was sorry that he hadn't talked to me, or come to visit me in so long. I was quite surprised. Then he asked if he could come visit me one weekend. Even more shocking!
My father and I aren't that close.
We really don't have a lot in common, but when we do get together, we can find ways to hang out and enjoy eachothers company. Playing cards, and watching movies seems to pass the time well enough... Actually the man is quite amusing. For no reason other than he is predictable in his behavior. Smoking, drinking and playing... That is the life of my retired father.
The fact that he called me is what does not fit the profile.

We talked about the things going on with my life. He said he would come to the gym with me, and he'll take me out to dinner. We can celebrate our birthdays together (they are 5 days apart).

The one thing he said that kind of bothered me, is that people don't like to visit bachelors/bachelorettes houses as they don't get fed. I find that there is never food here because I don't eat here... But if I knew there were people coming I would be going to there store before hand and stocking up. Especially on snacks and a meal or two... Just in case... Who knows what we would be doing....
Mind you I do have food here, but it its food that I like and that I take to work everyday. But whatever.

Honestly, I expect him to forget calling me and even having the conversation. I expect he was stoned when he called.
That way I will not be disappointed when he doesn't show.

I believe I have mentioned before that I am not a morning person.
Mornings are just not my forte.
I can do anything after 9am and be coherent, but getting up before that is really pushing my sanity boundaries for the day.
This morning I had to be up at 7am

Yup... 7... AM.
Not pleasant.

It honestly takes me 15 minutes longer to do the same things as normal. No idea why.
I would lose my head if it wasn't attached...
and
I question whether or not I have fed the cat and uncovered the bird 10 minutes after leaving the house.
That makes for a very unsettling day... Because the wrath is quite scary upon returning home, if I were to forget. (So far I have only forgotten once, sorry George!)

My supervisor searched me out this morning to see the look of morning confusion on my face... I guess he needed that chuckle at 9am this morning.

Honestly... I am that amusing.

I couldn't feel my hands... The pins and needles were that bad.
My brain was not functioning at all...
I asked one of the girls if my make-up looked OK as I was unable to focus as I applied it!
My stomach was unable to digest and brushing my teeth was a challenge. (not a pleasant thought, I know)
Oh... and it wasn't a normal day at work either... I did a good job of "sort of" breaking everything I touched... that means if I could almost break it without actually destroying it, or if it could make a mess (accidentally of course) or almost electrocute me without doing so... I was all over that!

And I get to do it all again, bright and early tomorrow!!!
Yee Haw!

I think I have created a monster in myself.
My schedule goes something like this:
Monday - work 9 - 5:30pm, go to gym for 2 hours, home find time to blog and IM friends, then sleep.

Tuesday - Catch up on errands, housework and Dr's appointments if any, go to gym for couple of hours if time. Do HOMEWORK if haven't don it yet!!! Go to aquafit from 8 - 9... get home shower and find time to blog and IM friends, then sleep.

Wednesday - Gym, errands, play, SCHOOL from 6:30 until 9:30pm (but we get out earlier), TV, blog IM and SLEEP!!!

Thursday: Work - 11 - 7:30pm, AQUAFIT from 8 - 9PM, then home to blog and IM. Then sleep.

Friday: Work 10 - 6pm, Gym, home to blog and IM, then bed...

Saturday... well... um... WORK... if I get out on time to get to the gym... I'm going to the gym... if not it's home to blog and IM. and maybe clean and do laundry and then bed.

Sunday... WORK... blog, IM, chores, no gym as I won't get there in time before it closes... stupid work getting in the way of the gym...

seriously...

This has become an obsession.
Full blown!!!

If I am not a stick by Christmas 2006 then I have an eating disorder!
OK... I am joking... but I better look DAMN good... and not just the fine thing that I am now!!! heheheh!

The YMCA (where I am now a member) is one block away from McDonalds.
The lineup at the drive-thru was quite long as I was leaving the gym tonight...
and the gym had been quite busy until 8:30...

coincidence... I think not!!!

It's fantastic when a day goes according to plan.

I got up yesterday and the sun and moon had aligned perfectly in my world. Cosmic forces were on my side, and the perfect day was at hand.

All went well at my meeting for my gym membership... I even got a really good deal on my rate. AND I never get a deal on anything expensive.

Then off to Oakville for the best Pizza ever. I have talked of this pizza before. This time we made it there for the Lunch Buffet. And OH MY God!!!! I walked into Heaven!!! The bread Grill was as perfect as I remember - sun dried tomato spread on Foccaccio bread is to die for!!! OH Yeah!!! And there was a Cajun Pizza with chunks of Peppers and onions and chicken that was absolutely delicious. Also lasagna that was out of this world and an Alfredo broccoli bake that was insanely good.
I asked to be rolled out of the restaurant... I ate so much.

We went to the mall after... To work off some of the lunch.

I found an engagement calendar (NO I am not engaged, that is just what they call desk calendars with pictures and themes... I don't know why, that is just what they call them)... Anyway... I found one that I like, that was 75% off and it was $5.75. Now that is a sweet deal! Usually they are over $20.

Then we came home and I went shopping for work out clothes, I picked up workout pants in the SMALLEST size that I have ever worn (at least since HIGH school) and that is freaking crazy to me. But I feel really amazing about it. Very cool I tell you!
Discovered that if I leave my cat alone to long she gets a little antsy - she destroyed one of the shopping bags and took the socks out of the package, dragged the whole thing into the bathroom. I spent 10 minutes trying to find something until I went in there and discovered the mess... silly cat.


Then I went to aquafit and got a ring from the bottom of the pool.
Without getting out of the water.
It was in the deepend.
I am getting pretty good at this.
My next challenge is to get it when it is by the drain - the deepest part of the pool.
I know I can do it - it's all in my head.

But that my friends - is a pretty good day.

Oh yeah... and I FINALLY got to chat with CC on IM last night... she is an amusing girl. That was the icing on the cake!

Today started out much earlier than I normally like. My alarm went off at 7am. Out the door by 8:10am. The cold sent mild convulsive shivers throughout my body as my car struggled to pump heat into my instantly frozen body. I arrived at the shuttle bus and sat shivering some more as the driver tried to make small talk, then off to work we went.

I knew it wasn't going to be a good day.
I was having a hard time being pleasant to a bus driver I actually like.

Going up the stairs I say a friend and said Hi, but could barely force the words.
Where do we get the energy and why do we continually lie to everyone about how we are truly feeling?

The day wore on and on...
And this thought kept popping into my head.

Until a lady came to my window and called a fellow cashier a "bitch" and said she was rude to her because the cashier would not serve her first. I served her and she went away, but she told me to tell my manager that this cashier was "the rudest bitch in the place!" 'ok' I thought. The cashier in question is one of the nicest people I know and that patron had probably budded in line. Not gonna happen.
This is why we don't tell everyone that we are having a miserable day, or that we aren't fine today, or that we are good, even if we aren't.
Negativity spreads like SARS in Toronto (OK that was bad... but bite me)... Very quickly, and every time you allow that negative thought to spread to someone else their whole day can be ruined. And your own.
The cashier spent the rest of the day brooding about that lady. Worried that she was going to go to another supervisor that could talk to someone in our department and get her in trouble. Her whole day was spent worrying and that makes for a long and nerve-racking day. Our supervisor was told of the "incident" and said that it was not a concern, there was nothing to be worried about.

I wanted to say to everyone that asked that I was tired and grumpy, but that I was good... But I just said that I was good. Or OK.
DO I feel that way.
NO...
But...
They don't need to know that.

I know what I need to feel better and I will get it tomorrow.
A healthy dose of aquafit and a couple of days off work!

Somewhere in the confusion of this week... the changing of my days of, the starting of my night class, the 6 days off, and the ... well... general state of confusion that lives in my brain... I believe I have relinquished all control of my thought processes to another being. The only question is whom?

Not only am I taking it upon myself to inflict injuries on myself - slamming fingers in drawers, paper cuts opening letters, scraping my hand on locks, breaking nails on my pants pockets. I don't know how many times I have tripped over the last 2 days. Over nothing, over bags of tokens, over my own feet... whatever happens to be on the floor, I am bound to stumble over it. So far I have managed to not slam face first onto the floor (THANK GOD!!!) but I feel the inevitable major injury is afoot somewhere. Be it tripping or stitches... it is just around the corner.

There is also the misfortune of getting locked out of doors that should open by the push of a button or the swipe of a key card... but that is just plain old weird and probably has nothing to do with me! Right?!?!?!
I mean the fact that it took 18 minutes to get the doors open for me to go on break today is just a coincidence. *sigh* Yup... nothing to do with me at all.

Oh... and I have no idea what day it is. None at all. At work we count the days of the week in relation to our days off... As I now have Tuesday and Wednesday off... they are my Saturday and Sunday... so Monday in the real world is my Friday... and Thursday is my Monday... But I have no clue what today is? I thank my friends at work - Lisa especially for taking control of my calendar and telling me where I am to be and when or I would be lost!!!

curiously enough I have managed not to attack anything with my car and have avoided being struck by anyone else while driving.
I have not fallen off the balance ball... yet
I have not drowned at aquafit...
The week is young... give me time.

I finally got my stability ball... inflated!
all it took was repacking the original set into the box. Driving to Wal-Mart. Waiting in the returns line, getting a refund. Walking around to the other end of the store. Finding another BRAND of stability ball and picking the correct size. Doing the rest of my shopping... paying...
then driving home and pulling everything out of the box and reading and following the instructions.

This ball actually INFLATED right away!
And now I am sitting on it as I type away on my computer...

If only I can get the incentive to put the tape in and do all the exercises too!
hehehehe

oh... and my class is gonna be hard.
2 oral presentations, and 4 tests... but it will be interesting!

I go back to work tomorrow.
I am just a little bit glad too... and I never thought I would say that.

Tonight is the first day of my class.
I am excited and nervous at the same time.
Excited because I am actually going to be learning again...
and nervous - because I have no idea where I am going.
I am going to walk on campus... wander around and have no idea where I am going...
classroom E302... yup... I know where that is...NOT!!!!
I have to go early tonight and wander around looking for my room... which they may be moving, by the way!

Oh... and aquafit was great last night... Boy have I missed those classes.
Mind you... this morning I managed to sleep until 8:55am. Too late to get to aquafit...
oh well... I have been VERY busy this week...
I can ease back into it,
but next week it's all in!

Those who know me say I am quite intelligent. I just get in over my head sometimes and try to take on too much.
I knew going in to my 6 day weekend that I had a lot planned even if it was relaxing and fun... but consisted of a lot of driving... no big deal I though.

Today is day 5... and I feel like I've been hit by a big mack truck. Mot a McDonalds truck, but that could very well be the truck that I was hit by as they have pictures of Big Mac's on them... but an 18 wheeler no less.
My back is sore, my arms hurt, my head is achy, and I am exhausted...
I got up at 9am and called BondGirl cause we had made plans to go into the BIG city of Toronto today... and as she had nothing that she actually needed we decided not to go (thank God!!! I thought) and I went back to bed for 2 hours... I did promise to make her spaghetti for dinner tomorrow night though (its a 2 day process).

The funny thing is... I have had an amazing 4 days...
playing with Firefly!!! hehehe... E bought me sushi - which was incredible... even thought I needed no more food, I ate it anyway!!! YUMMY! wasabi is so much fun!
LondonLee was a long day but worth the trip, and I wish I had spent more time with her... It would have been so much better.
I got to spend yesterday holding one of three babies - constantly - I was without a baby for about an hour the entire time I was at my aunts house. Good times!

I have to return the stability ball... and get a new one... the first is a piece of non-inflatable crap! but... the good thing is that I can return it and get another... one that will inflate... whoohoo!!

for now I need to stretch my aching muscles then go to the grocery store and start my sauce!

It was a busy start to my weekend and a pretty good day at that. I had a chiropractors appointment this morning and I took the opportunity to stop at the college bookstore and pick up the books for my night course...
My first thought was "Holy Shit - $103!!!! That's insane." then I got in line and paid.
Then I wandered around the school trying to find my way out, I found the library and realized that in all my time at that school I went to the library twice. My program was not a library kinda program... There wasn't that much to learn in the library. And if I needed to research in third year I went to the University in St. Catharines.

So I left the school... decided I wanted Taco Bell and went and got that... YUMM!!!
Then headed back to the Falls.
There I stopped in to see a friend, the former roommate... who still perplexes me and never ceases to amaze me in her fascinating. She is pregnant... And for some reason, chose to get pregnant. Intentionally... This is someone who is incapable of taking care of her dog... But it is her life and she can do with it what she chooses...

Then I went to therapy, nothing to revealing about that... Then I went to Walmart.. Where I bought a Yoga Stability Ball... which when I FINALLY got home I found the pump provided to be the opposite of the "easy inflation" promised on the box. In fact the pin broke on the needle and I can't get any air into the stupid thing at all. and the Other nozzle had no hole for the needle to blow air through... it is my own little balance ball flop.

After leaving Walmart I stopped at Blockbuster, then Starbucks, where I ran into an ex-boyfriend who was sitting with his friend. My ex was as nice as ever and we chatted. For an hour... it was nice... He's single again... He know's the perfect man is out there somwhere for him... he'll find him - eventually.
Oh - and yes... you read that right!

I have led an interesting life...
I just choose to reveal things slowly... or in small doses.
Whatever.

It was a good day. Except for that ball...

It's a whole new year and I have been thinking about everything that happened over the year past.

I freed myself from a relationship I was not happy in, (but wanted to be very much so). That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I have lost 50 pounds and am working on losing more. And I feel really good.

I have become stronger mentally than I have ever been. (Even though I have no idea how the hell that happened!)

As for my New Years Resolutions...

I am joining the gym and I WILL go twice a week. As well as continuing to go to aquafit twice a week... that makes 4 workouts a week... go me!!!

I am taking a class at the local college... just because I can.

I will go on a vacation! As I have never been on one.

my other resolutions are simple... stay in contact with friends and try to maintain contact with family.
But those are give and take.

This is the year for me.

That is all
Cheers.

I ended the year 2005 with a bang...

actually it was more like a thud.

Let me explain.

I was driving over to BondGirls parents to pick up Bond girl as we were going to see a movie (Memoirs of a Geisha - excellent) and I ran out of windshield washer fluid. Well, being a good Canadian, I had some in my trunk, and upon pulling into her driveway I popped the hood, and promptly began filling the reservoir. (AND no I didn't spill - thank you very much!) So after putting almost the full jug in - the whole jug doesn' t fit - they give you spill space - but I don' t spill so I have extra...
So I closed the lid, and dropped the hood, and the stupid thing didn't shut all the way. It caught the latch... but didn't slam shut. So . I put my hand on it to give it another push... my hand slid off the wet hood and somehow my baby finger got caught in the grill...
I have a lovely cut and I was bleeding my own blood.

BondGirl laughed, her Dad made fun of me for needing first aid just from putting washer fluid in my car...

Thank goodness for the SpongeBob bandaids... cause now I have a good excuse for wearing them!!!