Monday, October 24, 2005
Something of Substance
I was raping Firefly's archives and going through other blogs today mostly because I had the time thanks to a day off work and a few free hours... And the fact that my house is clean... whoohoo!!!
During my readings I realized that I really haven't written anything interesting about me in a while. Sure I have had a couple of moments of deep insight, but there really hasn't been anything about me. It isn't that there is nothing going on, it is that there is someone reading my blog that I don't want knowing these inner workings. It makes me uncomfortable. I have asked this person to spot - but naturally, I am ignored...as always.
I have to get past this discomfort and begin writing and releasing again... Or go the route of Paige and begin anew...
In the meantime...
Today... I got to spend time with myself. When was the last time anyone really did that? And I realized that I don't like to be alone anymore. I used to enjoy that quiet time; reading, watching T.V., doing puzzles.
Today I spent an hour looking through blogs and archives just because I didn't want to sit still... I am not manic... no.. I just didn't want to feel lonely, and archives bring me closer to my friends...
I was lucky enough to find Firefly and another friend and my sister on Messenger and chatted with them. But they all had to go to work... so the afternoon I was all alone.
I didn't even want to watch Fraggle Rock... And I still have 3 disks left.
What has changed that I don't like being alone?
Have I become so busy or gotten so used to my routine that I am unable to deal with change within it! I ended up eating too much and feeling sick all afternoon... Now there is no aerobics class to go too and it is too cold to go for a walk - besides I am a baby when it comes to the outside in the rain!
I could have gone to the mall... But then I might have spent money... and I did enough of that this weekend.
Maybe I am too boring even for myself? Or maybe it was a highly stressful morning and as much as I don't want to talk about my morning the afternoon was too quiet and if I didn't find ways to amuse my mind I would have thought about it and broke down in tears.
Maybe I should post about the morning so I don't do that very thing.
Sometimes raping archives is beneficial and sometimes it isn't...
I can't decide which today was.
But I was amused.
During my readings I realized that I really haven't written anything interesting about me in a while. Sure I have had a couple of moments of deep insight, but there really hasn't been anything about me. It isn't that there is nothing going on, it is that there is someone reading my blog that I don't want knowing these inner workings. It makes me uncomfortable. I have asked this person to spot - but naturally, I am ignored...as always.
I have to get past this discomfort and begin writing and releasing again... Or go the route of Paige and begin anew...
In the meantime...
Today... I got to spend time with myself. When was the last time anyone really did that? And I realized that I don't like to be alone anymore. I used to enjoy that quiet time; reading, watching T.V., doing puzzles.
Today I spent an hour looking through blogs and archives just because I didn't want to sit still... I am not manic... no.. I just didn't want to feel lonely, and archives bring me closer to my friends...
I was lucky enough to find Firefly and another friend and my sister on Messenger and chatted with them. But they all had to go to work... so the afternoon I was all alone.
I didn't even want to watch Fraggle Rock... And I still have 3 disks left.
What has changed that I don't like being alone?
Have I become so busy or gotten so used to my routine that I am unable to deal with change within it! I ended up eating too much and feeling sick all afternoon... Now there is no aerobics class to go too and it is too cold to go for a walk - besides I am a baby when it comes to the outside in the rain!
I could have gone to the mall... But then I might have spent money... and I did enough of that this weekend.
Maybe I am too boring even for myself? Or maybe it was a highly stressful morning and as much as I don't want to talk about my morning the afternoon was too quiet and if I didn't find ways to amuse my mind I would have thought about it and broke down in tears.
Maybe I should post about the morning so I don't do that very thing.
Sometimes raping archives is beneficial and sometimes it isn't...
I can't decide which today was.
But I was amused.
Dragonfly 10/24/2005 07:54:00 PM
3 Comments:
Well, at least you were amused. That is a good thing.
raping archives is the best! Sorry I didn't have any for you!
I actually went all the way back to see some of my first postings today. Set adrift of memory bliss...