... and into the Light

Remember in Elementary school when you had to write a speech and say it infront of the whole class.
There were kids who could get up there and be animated and smile and look at everyone while recounting their entire speech from memory.
I hated those kids.
I was that kid who passed out and hit my head on the blackboard and had to be taken out of class (that was grade 8).
In Grade 6, I spent the entire time shaking with tears running down my face and only the 3 people sitting directly infront of me could hear me.
I'm pretty sure I refused to do one in Grade 7.
Either that I have blocked the whole ordeal from my memory.

My French class has 2 oral presentations.
2!!!
It's like my own personal hell!
I am aware that I took radio broadcasting in college and that speaking infront of people should be no big deal... But in radio you are sitting in a little room all alone with a microphone, PRETENDING to talk to people... There is a difference.
And I work with the public, but it is a controlled environment and I only have to talk to one or 2 people at a time, and only about specific work related issues... It is clearly not the same thing as standing, vulnerable infront of a group of people who are staring at you waiting for you tell them something very important - or, to make a complete and total ass of yourself!
Whichever comes first.

Wednesday night was the first of my 2 presentations.
I picked my topic MONTHS ago... I decided to talk about George.
I even had Firefly come take pictures of him to bring to class for proof that he really exists. (Thanks again, Babe)
I puked before leaving the house.
I was in tears on the way to the school.
I was using my cognitive therapy skills taught to my by my therapist(s) in a valiant attempt at calming myself down.
I was telling myself that I am perfectly capable of doing this and that I can tell the class all about George.
I was also trying to convince my stomach that the rest of dinner could stay in it, as it wanted to meet the side of the road.

Needless to say it was an interesting trip to school.

I got to my class and was talking to a couple of the other students, turns out I was not the only one who was anxious.
The funniest thing about this is that I am the one in the class with the most French background and the one most look to for guidance. There were a few really looking forward to my presentation.
Just not me.
I had to be convinced to go up there by my deskmate.
After she did hers and after the guy behind us did his.
I was shaking like a leaf, took a minute to collect myself before I could speak, then started.
My hands were shaking so bad I couldn't read my paper and I had to put Georges picture down as no one could see it, it was almost flying... hehehe

But I did it.
Then I sat.
And I giggled.
I got hyper after the stress and anxiety left me.
I even managed to convince a couple of other people to go.

I know I will be just as nervous for the second presentation.
This is normal for me.
I am just proud of myself for getting through it.
And for taking the class knowing there would be public speaking in it... it is one of the things that has stopped me from taking classes for so long.

Now, if only I could decide what to talk about for presentation number 2!!

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