Saturday, July 29, 2006
We are Family
My sister-in-law and I had a discussion about family last weekend. Namely, that we are as close to our families as we allow ourselves to be.
She told a story about her brother going to Italy with their parents and saying to cousins that he wished his family in Canada was as close as they all were in Italy. His Mother (my sister-in-law's mother) was very upset and said to him that if he wanted that closeness with his family in Canada then he needed to spend more time at home and with his cousins and other family members than with his "friends" and then he would have that same closeness.
OF course - that makes perfect sense... but where's the fun in that, RIGHT!
Family has a different meaning to different people.
We take them for granted that they will always be there.
We assume that they will be around when and if there is something that we want and or need.
However if as individuals we don't take the time to allow them into our lives they won't take the time to acknowledge us when we call for help.
My sister-in-law's Italian family has cousins as their friends - not "outsiders" so they hang out with eachother all the time... not other people. So for them, they see eachother as often as I would see my friends (OR MORE).
My sister-in-law said something to me that hit me as sad... and made me realize that I really don't allow anyone into my life the way I should.
She said that she has no idea how I spend my time.
I realize that I keep my family at a distance because they have always, made fun of me, always belittled me in some way, and as such I have not allowed them the ammunition for more emotional defamation. I forget that as adults we may be past that "making fun" of each other part of being siblings and actually be able to have a conversation that doesn't leave one of us hurt, crying, or offended... maybe.
But my friends... They know how I spend my time. Sort of. Of course, sometimes I alter my "schedule"... I spend more time with them than I spend with my family. I have always preferred the company of my friends to my family. Mostly because you choose your friends, they are companions that have qualities that mirror or accentuate your own. I choose friends that make me laugh, who have similar interests and who can put up with my ever shifting moods... luckily I have a couple that are accepting and love me for me... and sushi!
Family you are born into... you don't choose them, people clash, but the love is still there. There must be a conscious decision to get along and be friends. It must be a mutual decision to be friends, as well as family, when you are adults and siblings. And geographic distance makes it that much more difficult to stay in touch.
Where am I going with this post?
No idea.
Do I want to spend more time with my family?
I love my family.
I wish they could understand me without my having to explain myself to them.
I wish they could accept ALL my quirks, beliefs, decisions, and not question them or berate them, or belittle them because doing so makes me feel like I don't know what I am doing with my life... when I know that I have made the right decisions for me.
I wish we could talk as easily as I talked to my friends.
I wish they would pick up the phone and call me once in a while ... because it goes both ways.
I want to appreciate the family I have, simply because it is the only family I have. We should spend more time together, the kids won't be little for long. Dad won't be around forever. We are all getting older... time, you know...
ah whatever...
I'm going to bed!
She told a story about her brother going to Italy with their parents and saying to cousins that he wished his family in Canada was as close as they all were in Italy. His Mother (my sister-in-law's mother) was very upset and said to him that if he wanted that closeness with his family in Canada then he needed to spend more time at home and with his cousins and other family members than with his "friends" and then he would have that same closeness.
OF course - that makes perfect sense... but where's the fun in that, RIGHT!
Family has a different meaning to different people.
We take them for granted that they will always be there.
We assume that they will be around when and if there is something that we want and or need.
However if as individuals we don't take the time to allow them into our lives they won't take the time to acknowledge us when we call for help.
My sister-in-law's Italian family has cousins as their friends - not "outsiders" so they hang out with eachother all the time... not other people. So for them, they see eachother as often as I would see my friends (OR MORE).
My sister-in-law said something to me that hit me as sad... and made me realize that I really don't allow anyone into my life the way I should.
She said that she has no idea how I spend my time.
I realize that I keep my family at a distance because they have always, made fun of me, always belittled me in some way, and as such I have not allowed them the ammunition for more emotional defamation. I forget that as adults we may be past that "making fun" of each other part of being siblings and actually be able to have a conversation that doesn't leave one of us hurt, crying, or offended... maybe.
But my friends... They know how I spend my time. Sort of. Of course, sometimes I alter my "schedule"... I spend more time with them than I spend with my family. I have always preferred the company of my friends to my family. Mostly because you choose your friends, they are companions that have qualities that mirror or accentuate your own. I choose friends that make me laugh, who have similar interests and who can put up with my ever shifting moods... luckily I have a couple that are accepting and love me for me... and sushi!
Family you are born into... you don't choose them, people clash, but the love is still there. There must be a conscious decision to get along and be friends. It must be a mutual decision to be friends, as well as family, when you are adults and siblings. And geographic distance makes it that much more difficult to stay in touch.
Where am I going with this post?
No idea.
Do I want to spend more time with my family?
I love my family.
I wish they could understand me without my having to explain myself to them.
I wish they could accept ALL my quirks, beliefs, decisions, and not question them or berate them, or belittle them because doing so makes me feel like I don't know what I am doing with my life... when I know that I have made the right decisions for me.
I wish we could talk as easily as I talked to my friends.
I wish they would pick up the phone and call me once in a while ... because it goes both ways.
I want to appreciate the family I have, simply because it is the only family I have. We should spend more time together, the kids won't be little for long. Dad won't be around forever. We are all getting older... time, you know...
ah whatever...
I'm going to bed!
Dragonfly 7/29/2006 08:55:00 PM
3 Comments:
I totally respect what you say about family...in fact, my next post is going to be about family, but it has quite a different take. I just don't want you to think I'm attacking you!
I know you aren't attacking me. There's nothing to attack.
No worries!
No worries!
I LOVE YOU FOR YOU.
You are special in your way and you are you. Never change to accomidate anyone else. Your decisions, likes, dislikes, quirks, everything is wonderful. The only reason you feel uncomfortable in your own skin sometimes is because of those ever repeated voices that you have heard for som many years from family, and maybe some friends threw time, that you ahve accepted into yourslef as being true. Those things are not a reflection of who u r but u r a relfection of who u r. I will always believe in u and I know u can believe in urself.
*Friends forever*
*Kissess ad hugs*
You are special in your way and you are you. Never change to accomidate anyone else. Your decisions, likes, dislikes, quirks, everything is wonderful. The only reason you feel uncomfortable in your own skin sometimes is because of those ever repeated voices that you have heard for som many years from family, and maybe some friends threw time, that you ahve accepted into yourslef as being true. Those things are not a reflection of who u r but u r a relfection of who u r. I will always believe in u and I know u can believe in urself.
*Friends forever*
*Kissess ad hugs*