Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Dreams vs Reality
I had the most fucked up dream ever last night.
My Mom and step-dad were still together (or back together, not positive about those details) and he was still an asshole / jerk / compulsive idiot!
One of the “kids” a boy was giving gifts to friends and I was helping wrap and organize. And we were making hot dogs but putting some in hamburger buns and some in sub buns. My sister and brother were both there, my sister creating disorder in the household (her favourite past-time) and my brother was staying out of the way - same as normal. My sister had made food / dinner for herself and would not share.
The computer room was the actual cause of the disagreements within the house - the chair had been banged against the wall and we were being blamed for it.
I commented that I had brought my own computer home and was using it because it was WAY better than his piece of crap - then I went into the computer room and looked at his - yup, it was a piece of crap.
I believe I have become spoiled by my own screen quality and anything else is just irritating and therefore, crap!
But why am I dreaming about this.
WE were never a big happy family.
There was always conflict of sorts.
The 3 children never lived in that house together at the same time, in fact my brother was an occasional visitor and never lived there at all.
That was my rescue house - they took me in when I needed it - and I am grateful, yet, step-dad always ends up a symbol of arrogance and “war”…
Dreams…
My Mom and step-dad were still together (or back together, not positive about those details) and he was still an asshole / jerk / compulsive idiot!
One of the “kids” a boy was giving gifts to friends and I was helping wrap and organize. And we were making hot dogs but putting some in hamburger buns and some in sub buns. My sister and brother were both there, my sister creating disorder in the household (her favourite past-time) and my brother was staying out of the way - same as normal. My sister had made food / dinner for herself and would not share.
The computer room was the actual cause of the disagreements within the house - the chair had been banged against the wall and we were being blamed for it.
I commented that I had brought my own computer home and was using it because it was WAY better than his piece of crap - then I went into the computer room and looked at his - yup, it was a piece of crap.
I believe I have become spoiled by my own screen quality and anything else is just irritating and therefore, crap!
But why am I dreaming about this.
WE were never a big happy family.
There was always conflict of sorts.
The 3 children never lived in that house together at the same time, in fact my brother was an occasional visitor and never lived there at all.
That was my rescue house - they took me in when I needed it - and I am grateful, yet, step-dad always ends up a symbol of arrogance and “war”…
Dreams…
Dragonfly 3/27/2007 08:18:00 AM
| 0 beautiful people telling me what they think
| 
Thursday, March 08, 2007
The End is at Hand - or is it?
I’m kind of disappointed.
I never thought I would feel like this.
I think the hypo-mania is fizzling out.
And I kind of miss it.
Although, having MY life back will be good - going to the grocery store when I want, buying something I need without having to ask for permission.
But the sheer happiness is ending. It’s not that I am not “happy” or emotional for that matter. It’s just the little things that give it away.
Like sleeping more - and longer. I got 8 hours sleep last night for the first time in ages, I got up to go to the bathroom and actually fell back asleep after. And that’s after having 3 naps yesterday.
I had interesting dreams last night.
In one I found perfume (Shishedo) the original in a gift box for $50 and I was yelling for my friend to bring me my credit card. The cashier/owner felt so bad he gave me a scrabble game too - it was very odd, but I love that perfume - it will always remind me of Phoenix.
The next dream I had I was either a babysitter or a nanny for a family of 7 or 8 kids, the parents went out and I was in charge. We played a treasure hunt game, and it was very weird in itself because it’s goal was to get to a certain part of the yard. Then I realized I was on vacation, visiting people I knew and playing. Work called and told me I had to be back the next day - 3 days earlier than planned or my job was at risk. So many things happened in that dream, I am almost glad I woke up.
Neither were scary, or unpleasant - just a little weird.
I have “CBT” therapy today, I think my mood and behaviour will be a big change from last week - I feel calmer now, more in control. Although I could sleep a little longer. I’m still tired.
I never thought I would feel like this.
I think the hypo-mania is fizzling out.
And I kind of miss it.
Although, having MY life back will be good - going to the grocery store when I want, buying something I need without having to ask for permission.
But the sheer happiness is ending. It’s not that I am not “happy” or emotional for that matter. It’s just the little things that give it away.
Like sleeping more - and longer. I got 8 hours sleep last night for the first time in ages, I got up to go to the bathroom and actually fell back asleep after. And that’s after having 3 naps yesterday.
I had interesting dreams last night.
In one I found perfume (Shishedo) the original in a gift box for $50 and I was yelling for my friend to bring me my credit card. The cashier/owner felt so bad he gave me a scrabble game too - it was very odd, but I love that perfume - it will always remind me of Phoenix.
The next dream I had I was either a babysitter or a nanny for a family of 7 or 8 kids, the parents went out and I was in charge. We played a treasure hunt game, and it was very weird in itself because it’s goal was to get to a certain part of the yard. Then I realized I was on vacation, visiting people I knew and playing. Work called and told me I had to be back the next day - 3 days earlier than planned or my job was at risk. So many things happened in that dream, I am almost glad I woke up.
Neither were scary, or unpleasant - just a little weird.
I have “CBT” therapy today, I think my mood and behaviour will be a big change from last week - I feel calmer now, more in control. Although I could sleep a little longer. I’m still tired.
Dragonfly 3/08/2007 09:17:00 AM
| 1 beautiful people telling me what they think
|